It’s only day 4, and I feel like my insomnia is getting better already – I didn’t have the longest sleep last night, but my Fitbit says I spent 16% of the night in deep sleep – the highest amount I’ve seen in a long time! Normally, it averages around 10% to 12%, which is at the low end of “normal” according to the app. I know to take fitness trackers with a grain of salt, but the low reported deep sleep coupled with the lack of sleep and fatigue stood out to me as red flags.
I think this challenge could be named a bit more accurately because I haven’t exactly been “meditating” for the past few days – it’s more been about nipping negative thoughts in the bud. For example, I’ve been having a lot of gnawing thoughts pop into my mind that make me stress about whether I’m “doing enough”. These thoughts permeate every part of my life – am I working hard enough? am I successful enough? do I make enough money? should I go to business school? should I get another part time job? should I start a side business? – and it doesn’t help to see Facebook posts about people “going to Harvard Business School”, “starting a company”, or “graduating from Stanford Medical School”. 😛
For the past few days, any time I’ve had one of these “am I enough” thoughts I’ve shut it down immediately, reminding myself to take things one step at a time. I remind myself that this month, my focus is meditation (or maybe I should’ve called it the “anti-anxiety challenge”). All those other things – my insecurities – can wait. Breathe. One thing at a time. One. Thing. At. A. Time. Breathe.